Funny and Humorous Technical Support Tales and Stories

Phone rings. I pick up.

Me: "Hello"

MCSD: "Yes hello. This is the Microsoft Computer Security Department and I am calling you to tell you that your computer is infected by a virus and is putting spurious data on the network."

Me: "Computer? What computer? Why would I have a computer?"

MCSD: "Your computer is infected by a virus, and we would like to help you get rid of it."

Me: "I don't have a computer. Why would I have a computer?"

MCSD: "Your computer -- the one on your desktop? is infected by a virus."

Me: "What computer? I don't have a computer."

*Four minutes later*

MCSD: "Wait . . . do you mean you do not have a computer?"

Me: "Yes; that is exactly what I mean. That's what I've been telling you. Why would I have a computer?"

MCSD: <dial tone>

He lies; I lie.

Techsupport phone rings...

Support: Support, how may I help you?

Customer: Hello, my internet doesn't work.

Support: What is it you're trying to do?

Customer: I'm reading the news, and the pictures won't show.

Support: So, you can go to the news website, but the pictures won't load?

Customer (after a few swconds): The pictures are just empty squares.

Support: Ok. But the text is there?

Customer: Yes! I said the pictures are gone!

Support. Ok, I understand. What browser are you using?

Customer (angry): You know what, I'm calling YOU for support, and all you do is ask me stupid questions! The pictures on the newspaper are gone, and I really wanted to see the pictures of New Hamphires winning gardens before I have to go to work! Now I don't have time! I don't know what a load is, and now you want to know about my browser? How should I know what that is?! I don't even know if I have a browser! Aren't YOU supposed to know that? I called YOU! You're support!

...needless to say, it was IE.

This tale was related to me by a friend. His mother is not the most computer-savvy person, and so he expected the worst when he heard her yell: "Help, I've printed the internet!"

Turns out she had somehow managed to print her Internet Explorer desktop symbol, blown up to pixelized full-page size...